ello, jello

Dear [REDACTED],

There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just go for it: I loved you then, I love you now, and I will always love you, my dear friend.

I always have, in one way or another. From the day you showed up to our middle school in homemade cosplay a decade ago, to ten minutes ago when you invited me to see a band we obsessed over when we were twelve. From the time we giggled over late-night pizza about the boys with new growth spurts, to the quiet confessions over alcohol regarding the women who broke our hearts. From when you shyly asked me if I liked your writing to the moment you got into the English masters program of your dreams. From when I whispered to you that I dreamt of adventure to the moment I face-timed you from a jungle across the world. I loved you then and I love you now.

But we’ve changed some in this past decade. We’ve grown plenty – a lot of it together. Some of it individually.

Among other things, we turned into adults. We graduated one school, and then the larger and more important one some time ago. We lead different lives now, where we listen to different bands than we did when we first met and play different games with different friends. We eat different things and find joy in different ways. What I’m trying to say, friend, is that my love for you is different now. I loved you then, I love you now, and those loves are not the same.

Please don’t think this means I’m breaking up with you. My changed love for you doesn’t mean that I don’t love you anymore.

In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you. (Remember when we had that big fight four years ago and didn’t talk for several months? I loved you even then.)

I will ALWAYS mail you a postcard wherever I go, and send along pictures of things I’ve found on my travels that make me think of you. I will say happy birthday to you when it comes around, and congratulate you when you’ve succeeded in life (yet again). Your jokes will always make me laugh and your cards will always bring me joy. And when I’m in town, I will always reach out so that we can sit down and tell each other about our day-to-day.

But I think that’s all of the love I am able to give you, friend. We are no longer at the epicenter of each others lives, and I’ve written this entire thing to say to you that I love you (so much) but I really don’t want to see Fall Out Boy perform in July.

Please don’t hate me, friend.

Love,

[REDACTED]