ello, jello

Something happened on the boat today and I don’t know but it feels big. It shocked me when she said it. I don’t know how much is her and how much is her illness. I can’t ask her to change something she can’t change herself. But the very thing she does hurts others by shocking them and making them feel uncomfortable. By shocking me and making me feel uncomfortable. I don’t know. I just don’t know. She mentions that I’m the only one she cares about and that I’m the only one she doesn’t wear a mask around. I don’t know what to do with that information. What does that mean? That outside of me she doesn’t care about anyone else? She’s so young, and childish, and adorable, and sweet, and considerate, and I’m the only one who gets to see. Everyone else – including the 16 year old kid that she snapped at when he asked what song she was humming- gets the rude, bitchy mask. I love the person that she is with me. What do I do.