ello, jello

I’m sad today, thinking about her. I wonder why? Could it be related to the dream I had last night? The one where I knew she was sprinting after me? In it I was terrified. I think she killed one of my friends, but I woke up before finding out who exactly. In the next one I was running toward her. It’s always the running. In one I’m running trying to find her and in the other I’m running to escape her. But I miss her smile, miss tucking her hair behind her ear, miss her warmth and softness. And I’m terrified of the devotion I saw in her eyes, the way she would burn everything around us to keep us warm. To keep her own path lit, hurting herself to be all that closer to me. I did leave, didn’t I? But she popped up on my fitness app yesterday. “I’m running out of things to call this walk”, she names her run. I can see her path on the app. She does a loop around the neighborhood that she had nightmares about before sneaking into my bed. She runs the same path I tried to help her leave. But she’s still there. And now I’m the one running from the nightmares.