ello, jello

I can’t hold this anymore so i won’t

Earlier today a Professional Brain Doctor who told me that everything I suspected about my brain was true

I felt it all wash over me

Barely made it to my car before sobbing

Finally

Finally

Finally

Someone said youre right

And I’ve been right all along

Right about the things I suspected but didn’t have the words for

Right about the things I wanted to have looked at

And right about the things that I didn’t

The Brain Doctor reached in and pulled out the things that I thought I was getting good at hiding…

No –

the things that I no longer have shame about, the things that I know to be true about myself, the things that I look at every day and decide to work with every single fucking day, the things that my parents refused to acknowledge in themselves and the things that they were too scared to name in me for fear of… what?

Today the Doctor looked at me and said I see you. And she named the parts of me that I know about, the things I struggle with and the things that I will live with forever. The thing that will make my joy just that extra bit brighter, the sadness just that bit more profound. The work days more tedious and the orgasms more intense. The relief a revelation, the rest harder fought.

The Brain Doctor reached in and pulled out the bits, and I recognized every one of them. I call them by their names. You belong to no one else. You are mine and mine alone. I love you. I love you. I love you.