It’s not that it’s bad. In fact, it’s all quite nice. But is it a nice that feels right? I’m not sure. My aunt reminds me to listen to the little voices and they’re all screaming that something isn’t quite right. But is it just me? Am I the piece that isn’t quite right? Continue reading

She ate a woodchip today because she thought it was a bit of pizza. I’m in love with her. I’ve never been more sure. She’s perched in the loft rafters like a cat- balanced and hidden and relaxed. I’m going to give you some space, because I think you need it, she said to me Continue reading

Is this what it feels like, being full of touch? I didn’t know I could feel this way. Continue reading

Maybe… maybe they’re not parallels. Maybe it’s a bipolar crossroad and we’re stopped. My grandma was there first, then it’ll be my uncles turn and I’ll go last. We’re all here now but we’re all headed different places. Yeah… I’m so relieved it’s a crossroad. Continue reading

Bipolar parallels. Parallels parallels parallels. How do I break this one? Continue reading

Last night I dreamt first of the bird. I don’t think I actually saw it, but I knew it was trying to hurt me. Bright and wings flapping wicked fast. I crushed it in the door by accident. It still tried getting in. My brother snuck in and she was just outside – fatally injured Continue reading

Surely this has never been done before Ours will last because it’s different, it must it must Continue reading

Had another snake dream last night. We were in Australia, and Australia looked an awful lot like rural Nevada. Mountains and crackly heat and trickling stream and all. Our tour guide was a pretty dyke, older than me by a decade maybe. The snakes slithered in and out of the water like black and white Continue reading

I’m allowing myself to think of what it could be. (It’s probably too early. Probably.) But I’m giving myself permission to imagine. What would our kids call us? Who would be mom? Who would be momma? Or would one of us be mommy? Mama? Mamá? Maybe… mami? I hope neither of us are mother. Or Continue reading

we checked out a friend of a friend’s “guest suite” yesterday. we thought we’d give it a glance. their three kids stared open-mouthed at us in the doorway, like my baby and I were something exotic. gay and bizarre and loud and colorful and dark and complex. a little bit of spice in their otherwise Continue reading