ello, jello

My body is learning

I’ve spent so long trying to unlearn

Unlearn the despair

Unlearn the slide into darkness

Unlearn the panic I thought I just had to get used to

Unlearn the burden of fear

But consider it a gift? Never. Fear is a gift, my coach says. Fear is an invitation, she says. Fear is discovery. How could it be, I’ve been falling for so long… but I fell on the mats the first time the other day and it felt different. This is how to get back up, my coach says next to me. Hold me here they show me. Strike me there they take me. Throw me. My feet know how to stand. My body is learning. My fear is an asset. Each time I hit the floor I look it dead in the eye… and say thank you.